Why real men wear White Ribbons
Dr Karen Crinall and Dr Chris Laming
By Dr Chris Laming and Dr Karen Crinall
Women and children are safer on the streets than in their own homes. They are also far more likely to be assaulted by a family member, partner or ‘friend’, than by a stranger. Last week, the new Police Commissioner Ken Lay drew attention to this disturbing reality when he stated that addressing family violence was an urgent priority for Victoria Police.
Today, Friday, 25 November, is White Ribbon Day; a day when men stand up, speak out, and march in public protest against male violence towards women. White Ribbon Day has become a global event to remind everyone why all men need to say ‘No to Violence’.
White Ribbon Day was started in 1999 by a group of Canadian men in commemoration of the shooting massacre of 14 women by one man in Montreal in 1989. The vision for these men was to raise awareness about male violence, and to encourage other men to join them in making a commitment to become active agents in changing the attitudes and behaviours that lead to a ‘war against women’ that is perpetuated by some men.
In 1999 the United Nations General Assembly declared 25 November as the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women (IDEVAW). White Ribbon became a national campaign in Australia in 2003.
The White Ribbon movement has now been taken-up by hundreds of thousands of men in countries throughout the world in recognition that this cowardly violation of human rights will continue until all men stand up and challenge the violence of a few.
More than 80 per cent of victims of family violence are women. Last year in Victoria alone, police responded to 40,892 incidents of family violence. That’s 112 Victorian families affected by violence every single day of the year. At the same time there were increases in women as victims of crime across a range of offences, including physical assault, rape, other forms of sexual assault and robbery.
The introduction in 2004 of the Police Code of Practice for the Investigation of Family Violence has led to more awareness, and subsequently more reporting of these incidents. However, this does not diminish the high rates of violence against women.
Over the past decade, federal and state government strategies have been introduced to promote prevention and to strengthen the criminal justice and service system responses to women and children who are victims of male violence.
At the heart of men’s violence is an entrenched sense of entitlement, which reinforces the will to control; the belief that “because I am a man I have the right to say what goes and when”. That, “because I am a man, by birth my opinion is privileged and given precedent, my wishes given priority, my voice listened to.”
Even where children are not directly the target of men’s violence, we now know that they are deeply affected psychologically and emotionally. Children learn from what the see and hear, if they see that violence gets you what you want, they learn to be violent. If they experience violence as the solution to disorder, a way to gain control over situations that they don’t like, then they learn to use violence, too.
Male bullying behaviour is something that children learn, not something they are born with.
Should men stand-by and allow other men to bully, intimidate, damage and hurt women and children, or should they challenge those men who use violence against women?
You may think that you are not ‘one of those men’, but if you have laughed at a sexist joke, stood by while your mate put down his wife, or slapped his child, then how are you any different?
The questions for you are: Do I want women and children to be safe and live free from fear and intimidation? Do I remain a bystander or do I oppose and challenge those men who use violence to get what they want? Do I believe it is a man’s right to make the decisions, to be the one to always decide and control what the family does? Do I believe it is my birthright as a man, or laid down by religion, that my needs and rights are more important than a woman’s?
If you want to be a ‘man’ and do the right thing, if you want women and children to genuinely enjoy your company, then you may want to consider joining the other blokes who belong to the White Ribbon Movement, maybe even join the march at the city square on Friday.
Dr Chris Laming is a senior lecturer in Community Welfare and Counselling at Monash University, Gippsland.
Dr Karen Crinall is a senior lecturer in Community Welfare and Counselling and Human Services Management at Monash University, Gippsland.